Well, it’s officially summer, and what better time to find an activity for your tween or teen to try. It’s so important for all of us to find something we are passionate about-something that brings us joy and confidence. And, although there are many activities and hobbies to try out there that are NOT physical in nature, the two pages I am attaching focus on activities that help develop one’s physical maturity. These pages are from my self-esteem building book that is sold on this website. If your child is more interested in trying something else, such as one of the fine arts, the same procedure can be used, just listing different choices. I hope this proves helpful. Have fun!
Here is the address: http://www.griefspeaks.com/index.html
Lisa Athan is the Executive Director of GRIEF SPEAKS. The following is only some of her wonderful advice/wisdom. Explore her site for more information on a variety of topics.
“Some children fear acknowledging grief, much like some adults for fear of emotional flooding. Grief is powerful and the emotions felt can be overwhelming. Many choose to avoid thinking or talking about the loss as they worry that if they were to feel fully their grief, they may never stop crying. Children need direct encouragement to express their grief and acknowledge their pain. They need to be reassured by adults that this is a good thing to do. Some children fear disappointing their loved ones by showing their true feelings. Some fear being chastised for crying. It is important for adults in children’s lives to let the children know that all of their feelings will be understood and accepted. Giving children permission to grieve as well as healthy opportunities to express that grief in safe ways is all part of helping children to cope and grow through life’s losses and transitions. Children who learn that feelings are simply feelings and that they don’t have to hide them or feel ashamed or embarrassed by them, are that much better at learning about the life long process of healthy mourning.”
I am listing below the worksheet information that I created for my book. I hope it will help you in any discussions you might have with your child about the grieving process. I hope it proves to be helpful.
GRIEVING THROUGH LOSSES
Have you ever misplaced something very important to you, (like the stuffed animal your
parent gave you when you were young), and had a feeling come over you that you
may never see it again? There is a grieving process that people go through when they
experience a ‘loss’. A loss is something that has happened in your life that has caused
you grief, or sadness, whether on a very small scale, (such as losing your favorite pencil),
or on a grand scale, such as the death of a loved one, or the family pet.
Everyone grieves differently—sometimes you might go through the process very quickly;
sometimes you might get ‘stuck’ on one of the stages; sometimes you might skip one or
more of the stages; and, sometimes it can take years to get to the final stage of grieving.
Often the intensity and duration of the grieving process has to do with how many losses
you’ve already grieved over or how close or special the person or item was to you.
Look over the list of losses below, and check off which ones you have already been
through. Some of them won’t seem like anything to have had to grieve over, but most of
the changes, or new experiences that we go through, whether big or small, can be an
emotional experience. Change is often difficult to go through at first, but can wind up
having some positive effect, after a period of time. For example, you might not want to
move to another neighborhood or city, but in the end you might eventually appreciate
the new friends you’ve made, and the skills you’ve gained, such as being able to make
friends more easily.
______Entering Kindergarten _____Divorce of Parents
______Moving _____Death of a Pet
______Being Bullied _____Loved One’s Addiction*
______Losing a Favorite Item _____My Own Illness or Condition
______Loss of Financial Support _____Loved One’s Illness
______Getting Detention or Suspension _____Poor Test Scores
______Entering Middle School _____Argument With Someone
______Losing a Friend _____Loss of Contact With Parent
_____ Death of a Loved One _____ Being Grounded
List other topics you can think of: _____ _____________________________
_____ _____________________________ _____ _____________________________
*In this case, it is usually the loss of hope that a person will grieve over.
THE STAGES OF GRIEVING
Here are some of the stages of grieving. See if you can relate to them, as you think
about some of the losses you have already experienced. Then, you will have a chance
on the next page to analyze how you grieved over one of your losses.
1. Shock. When you first encounter a loss, or even the anticipation of a loss, you might
feel numb inside. You might cry a little, or you might wonder why you can’t cry.
2. Denial. This often happens right along with the first stage. You don’t and won’t believe
the sad event is happening, or going to happen.
3. Anger. A person experiencing a loss often feels that life is unfair. Well, that’s true.
Life isn’t fair. In this stage you probably feel angry that something bad is
happening. During this stage, a person might take his/her anger out on
someone or something else. There’s a term for that, it is called displacement.
Have you ever been so angry that you yelled at someone? Slammed a door?
Hit a pillow? That’s displacement. Anger is one of the stages of grieving that a
person can get stuck on. Sometimes it takes talking with a health professional
to help move through this stage of grieving.
4. Guilt. Sometimes this is called the, “If only….” stage. The person experiencing the
loss might blame himself for not doing more to prevent the situation from ever
happening. It’s normal to feel some guilt, but it is necessary to let it go and
move on. There’s never a good reason to beat yourself up over a situation. It
doesn’t do any good. Things happen. No one can control everything.
5. Depression. This is another one of the stages that someone can get stuck on. The person
might need help from a health professional, and maybe even medication,
since serious depression can actually change brain chemistry. It’s normal to
feel sad about bad things that happen in your life. But, it can be harmful to
hang onto those sad feelings for an extended period of time. Talking to an
adult you trust can help get you through this stage. Some people find it helpful
to journal about their feelings. Finally, time can help the pain go away, and the
sadness can be replaced with fond memories, and a new outlook on life.
6. Tears. Perhaps there have already been some tears along the way, but this is
more like, “The Big Cry.” Sometimes it is in the form of a scream or an angry
outburst. And, as with the other stages, it can be skipped altogether. If you do
experience this stage, it can be quite a feeling of relief, letting out all those
pent up feelings.
7. Growth. At this point you accept the loss and gain resiliency, the ability to bounce
back from future losses more easily.
ANALYZING A LOSS
It can be very healing to try to go over something that has happened in your life; to look more
closely at how you went through it; and to look at what you gained from that experience. Try
to think of one of the losses you checked off earlier, and write it out below. Then, try to describe
how or even if you went through each of the stages of grieving. You might also want to talk with
your parent or guardian about a loss he or she has had, and ask that person to share the various
feelings he or she went through while grieving over the loss. It can be a learning experience, and
a bonding experience for the both of you.
MY LOSS: ______________________________________________________________________
Did I feel numb? How did I react to the news? ______________________________________
Did I face the facts, or did I deny this was happening at first? _ ________________________
Did I have any anger? Did I take it out on anyone or anything? Describe. _______________
Did I blame myself at all? If I did, what did I say to myself? ____________________________
Was I sad? How did I act? What did I feel? What did I say? ____________________________
Did I have a big cry, scream or outburst of any kind? How did it feel? _ _________________
Did I finally accept the loss? ________What did I gain from having gone through this
We are so busy making sure our kids know the math, science and language arts concepts, that sometimes we overlook making sure they also know about some of the terminology we use in our conversations with them. I remember hearing the term, “Bachelor’s Degree”, when I was growing up, wondering if it was something only male students could earn! So, here is an overview of most of the college degree choices students have. Feel free to use it as a guide when discussing the topic with your student or child. I hope it is helpful.
Types of College Degrees
Have you ever wondered what it means when someone says they have a Bachelor’s Degree?
Does that mean that the person studied about bachelors? It can be very confusing when people
talk about the different types of college degrees. Here is some basic information that might help
you understand the different types of degrees. There are other courses of study besides the ones
listed here. For example, someone could go to a college that specifically helps people become
licensed or certified in certain skills. Examples would be: cosmetology, medical assisting, medical
transcription, and culinary arts. So, if we look only at college degrees, here are the basics, listed in
the order of how much education is required, going from least to most.
*This is basically a two year program, although some people take longer to complete the coursework.
*Sometimes this represents the first two years of a four year program that will lead to a Bachelor’s Degree,
and the credits need to be transferred to a four year school.
*There are different types of Associate’s Degrees, depending on the types of classes taken. An AA is an
Associate of Arts degree. An AS is an Associate of Science degree. There are also AAS and AFA degrees:
Associate of Applied Sciences and Associate of Fine Arts.
*This represents the completion of a four year program. The student usually majors in a particular subject
area. Sometimes a student will major in more than one area, or major in one subject area, and minor in
another subject area. The program can take longer than, or even shorter than four years to complete,
depending on how many classes are taken at one time; whether or not a class is retaken in order to earn a
better grade; and whether or not the student attends summer terms.
*Similar to the Associate’s Degree, there are different types of Bachelor’s degrees: BA (Bachelor of Arts),
and BS (Bachelor of Science) are the two main areas, but there are others.
*Within a four year college or university there are different schools, depending on the subject area a
student is majoring in. Examples would be: The School of Journalism; The School of Business Administration;
The School of Physical Education, and so on.
*This degree can be earned after someone earns a Bachelor’s Degree. A master’s degree, is also called
a graduate degree. The program usually takes approximately two years to complete, and consists of
coursework taken in a concentrated subject area. Some jobs require a master’s degree. Plus, in some
careers, the more education you have the more money you can earn.
*Similar to both the associate’s and the bachelor’s degrees, a master’s degree can be an MS, an MA, or
one of the other types of masters. Masters candidates often write a paper called a thesis.
*This is the highest graduate degree one can earn. It is usually called a PhD, (doctor of philosophy),
although there is also a JD, (doctor of jurisprudence), which is an advanced law degree. The program
of studies can take 5-10 years to complete. Doctoral candidates write a long in-depth paper
called a dissertation.
*A doctorate’s degree is usually associated with scientists and professors.
You know it’s coming, and soon—Spring Break! Of course, most tweens probably just want to stay up late, sleep in, and overdose on sugar and electronics, but you still might be able to gently suggest some of the following activities:
- Let them paint their room, just make sure you are OK with their color choices.
- Encourage them to plan your upcoming Easter celebration. They might enjoy looking online for some clever decorating ideas, and recipes.
- Look for a Red Cross Babysitting Course that they can take.
- Let them plan an outgoing for the family. Have them research three ideas, and present them to you.
- Create ways to earn money. A neighborhood car wash? Yard care? They can make a flyer and take it around to the neighbors.
- Take them to an arts and crafts store and let them pick out a project to work on. Does the store offer any classes?
- Challenge them to fix something around the house.
- Challenge them to make something useful out of duct tape.
- Have them create a photo album or calendar using family photos. Or, encourage them to make a photo album of their own pictures.
- Is there a piece of clothing that they might be interested in reworking and altering?
- Is your child musically talented? He or she could offer to perform at the local senior living community.
- Have your child make a stack of greeting cards for your use–birthday cards, sympathy cards, thank you notes, etc.
- Challenge him or her to find a You Tube video that teaches them a new skill.
- Send them to the library with a list of things to find: An exercise DVD, a non-fiction book of interest, a magazine, etc.
- Challenge him or her to come up with an Act of Kindness that they can perform over the break, for strangers, a family member, or a friend.
- Take a family walk together.
- Design a fun Scavenger Hunt. Or, have the tween design one for the family or younger siblings.
I could probably come up with an even longer list, but hopefully this was enough to spark some ideas of your own. Enjoy! And, please let me know if this list helped keep this phrase out of your house during Spring Break ………”I’m bored!”.
A new year is coming, Often it’s the adults who try to make New Years Resolutions, but why not encourage our tweens to do the same? Your child could make his or her own goal for the new year, or you could make one together. You could put charts up on the kitchen cupboard and put stickers on days when the goal was accomplished or worked on. Start a discussion with your child about what they might like to work on. Would it be something regarding exercise? Nutrition? Study skills? Learning about something new? The goal has to come from within, of course. but maybe your child doesn’t know where to start. Here are some examples of resolutions that a tween (and/or an adult) could make, for self-improvement. Maybe one or two of these suggestions can ignite some interest:
*Look for an opportunity to volunteer. Consult the local agencies, hospital, school district, or churches. You can volunteer to work with younger kids, animals, the elderly, an organization that raises money for a cause –seek out whatever group you’re interested in helping.
*Take lessons to learn a new skill, whether it be to play an instrument, learn a language, try a new sport, or sew a quilt. Finish this sentence- “I’ve always wanted to learn how to _____________________”. Now go look for opportunities to do just that.
*Try to raise your grades by naming a set studying time, place, and procedures. Will you read for pleasure during that time, if you don’t have any work that has to be done? Will you work on your toughest assignment first? Will you be sure to have a healthy snack available?
*What area(s) of fitness do you need to work on? Should you stretch every evening, for improvement in flexibility? Should you walk/jog 3-4 times a week? Could you plan on doing pushups and sit-ups during the commercials of your favorite TV show?
*If you have a pet, are you doing what you should be doing to make sure that pet has a happy/healthy life? Are you cleaning up the animal’s environment? Spending quality time with the animal? Or, if you want a pet, what are you willing to do for that pet on a daily basis?
*Do you need to work on making friends? What activities can you get involved in that will help you towards that goal?
*Do you worry too much? Perhaps you should be journaling nightly. Or, are you willing to meet with a professional, someone who can listen to you without judging, and help you with your decision-making?
*Should you be working harder on personal hygiene? Do you shower and wash your hair on a regular basis? What other personal care practices could you be paying more attention to? Tooth-brushing? Washing clothes? Clipping nails?
*How are your relationships with your family members? Could a relationship with a parent or sibling be improved simply by spending more quality time together? Working harder on communicating? Showing more love and respect?
*Is there a bad habit that needs to be replaced with a good habit? Biting nails comes to mind, as does cluttering, forgetfulness, etc.
Well, as you can see, every human being can probably grab at least one of those suggestions and work on it. We all have things to work on. And, the thing is, it feels so good when you realize that you overcame a hurdle, or gained a new confidence, that it’s really worth it to keep self-improvement in the front of our minds.
Have a great start to the new year.
It seems like electronics are the go-to gift for kids. But, why not think more broadly about the individual? Why not encourage a healthier lifestyle by finding just the right gift to help your child mature personally, emotionally, physically, socially, intellectually, or ethically? Here is just a starter list of ideas:
*Promise a year’s worth of lessons, in whatever he/she is interested in learning about. Suggestions are: art, dance, a musical instrument, martial arts, gymnastics, fencing, fly fishing, swimming, golf, archery, tennis, figure skating, skiing, equestrian skills, etc.
*Give coupons for trips to specific locations: the zoo; a museum; a water park; a concert or play, a professional game, or competition; a fishing trip; or a shoe store.
*A one year membership to the local gym, (perhaps a family membership?).
*A basketball hoop in the driveway. (Family games of “Horse” and “Bump” can help with bonding, and skill development, physically and socially).
*A family ping pong table in the garage or basement. Again, this can be such a bonding experience.
*Board games, especially ones that challenge the intellect, and encourage social interaction: Scrabble and Pictionary are good examples.
*A trampoline, (with safety nets).
*A family gift of a hot tub.
*Equipment or supplies such as: hand weights; a yoga mat; swim goggles; a pedometer; bike accessories; juggling balls or pins; a bowling ball; golf clubs or balls; skis or ski boots; a fishing pole or tackle box; a hunting rifle; art supplies; a sewing machine, etc.
*Clothing for a specific sport or activity.
*A gift card at a sporting goods store, book store, art supply store, or musical equipment store.
*A coupon for time spent with you, doing the activity or their choice.
Some of the suggestions I have listed that are smaller in size, or are coupons, would simply make good stocking stuffers. I hope this has helped you think more broadly about gifts for your tween, teen, or your family in general. Wishing you Merry Fitness and a Happy New You and Yours!
A word that is thrown around a lot out there is – Awesome. The dictionary describes awesome as very impressive. I can agree with that, and there are a lot of awesome, or very impressive people, places and things in this world. Here is a video clip of an awesome guy who has the love and support of his family, to shoot for the stars. He indeed is a star, and has broken down a lot of the barriers that our society puts in front of mentally challenged individuals. We can all take a lesson from him about how to love ourselves, and each other, unconditionally. He also believes that he can do whatever he sets his mind to do. We need to believe in ourselves more, model that for our kids, and let them know we believe in them. Wouldn’t the world be a better place if we just did those few simple things? Enjoy:
This is an easy and fun way to record your dreams. Just take a small composition book; glue down a title that you’ve made on the computer, or hand-written yourself, on printer paper; and then glue cotton balls all around it. I stretched the cotton balls out so they would look more like clouds. It’s fun to see if you can capture your dream the moment you wake up. So, this book should be placed on the bed stand, with a pen nearby. And, hey, Christmas is coming. This would make a fun gift for all ages. We all dream, don’t we?
So, we get it, our kids like to send messages to each other on Facebook. But, if you haven’t had a discussion with your tween yet about proper Facebook etiquette, here is some advice. As a matter of fact, there are adults out there who could use this advice as well:
1. Before you hit “Enter” after writing a post, read it out loud.
2. While reading the post out loud, ask yourself… “Can I see myself saying this to my friend face to face?”
3. If the answer to item 2 is yes, ask yourself if you would also be willing to say it to any of that person’s Facebook friends.
4. If the answer to item 3 is yes, ask yourself if you are also willing to have any of the friends of any of that person’s Facebook friends read it? (That was a hard one to put into words!) Example: I write to Sue. Sue’s Facebook friends can see what I wrote. Any of those friends could choose to share it with any of their Facebook friends. And, it can just go on and on. Something can become viral quickly, and you can’t take things back once they are out there in cyberspace.
5. Finally, ask yourself if you are willing to have your parent or guardian read your post.
I hope this is a helpful addition to some of the important etiquette discussions you are having at home.
Which do you remember the most from your childhood- the criticisms or the compliments? It must be human nature to place the criticism we receive much further up toward the top of our memory file than where the compliments are placed. Why is that? Is it because we aim so hard to please so many? Is it because we are always putting ourselves down? Everyone should keep a compliment book- a notebook where you write down the compliments you receive, and stash the nice notes that are addressed to you, over your lifetime. Then, when you are hit with criticism, try to shrug it off, and go read your compliment book, to remember what a good person you really are! Actually, I do have a compliment book. It’s decorated with positive phrases that I have cut out of magazines, and pictures of things I love to see and do. It’s fun to go back and read things that once again put a smile on my face. Like I said, we all need that. So, here is a list of beginnings of positive sentences, to help you compliment the tween or teen in your life. I feel that our kids are under so much stress to please so many people, that sometimes we forget how fragile their egos are. We need to point out the positive more often. I hope this list is helpful. I will also attach the file, in case you want to print it out. Encouraging Words for Your Tween or Teen
Encouraging Words for Your Tween or Teen:
- I love it when you…
- I noticed that you…
- It makes my heart smile to see you…
- I’m so proud of the time and effort you put into…
- You made (fill in the name) feel good when you…
- I‘ll always love you, no matter what.
- You make me proud.
- You really helped (fill in the name) when you…
- I love being your (mom, dad, grandparent).
- You made such a responsible decision when you…
- I love that I can trust you to…
- It was so mature of you to…
- You made a good impression on (fill in the name) when you…
- You have such a talent for…
- I’m never surprised when I see you…
- It was kind of you to…
- I appreciate how you always…
- I believe in you.
- I was so impressed when you…
- You are a good role model to…